Araceli
Rosales
Narrative
Script
What makes mom happy?
One morning ______________ was waking up to
prepare to go to school. But his mother it’s too busy in her cellphone that
doesn’t pay attention to ___________.
Room
Alan- (wakes up at 7am, gets up from the
bed and chooses his own clothing, puts on his shoes without tighten his
shoelaces)
Kitchen
(Alan walks to the kitchen and sits down)
Alan:
“mommy I want to eat pancakes and eggs”
Katrina- (doesn’t even pay attention to
Alan, she grabs cup, cereal and milk)
Alan & Katrina- (sitting in the table
Alan is eating his cereal and milk and Katrina is on her cellphone all this
time)
(Alan is done with him breakfast)
Alan: “Mommy I need to brush my teeth”
(Katrina just walks out and Alan doesn’t
brush his teeth)
Living
Room- taking Alan to school
(Alan walks out the door with his jacket
unzip and shoelaces & Katrina walks in front of him)
Alan:
“I wish cellphones didn’t exists”
(Alan and Katrina walked out the door, gets
on the car and doesn’t even buckle, mom doesn’t even realize)
(Katrina
drives away)
(Katrina picks Alan up from school, arrive
to the house, and they both sit on the couch to relax)
Alan:
“Am hungry mom! What’s for dinner?”
(Katrina get up from the couch and walks to
the kitchen with her cellphone in the hand and set up two instant soups for
dinner)
Katrina:
“Alan the dinner is ready”
(Katrina and Alan sit on the dining table
in their own little world)
(Alan gets up from the table, walks to the
living room and grabs his backpack to do his homework)
Alan:
“Mom can you help me with my homework”
Katrina:
“Am busy Alan” (she just on her cellphone)
(Alan does his homework for couple of
seconds, looking confused)
Alan:
“I want to build a snowman outside”
(Alan puts on his shoes instead of snow
boots, wear jacket unzipped walks out, while Katrina is in the kitchen)
(Alan is walking down the stairs when she
slips on ice and felts)
(Katrina realizes how she not paying
attention to his son, and runs outside and helps Alan to get up the from the
floor)
(Mother and son walk to the house and hug
& kiss him)
Katrina
“I love you Alan”
(Katrina puts away her phone)
The beat at the end when the mom realizes she has been negligent is going to be hugely important. Treat it that way. I didn't realize from the pitch that there was also a driving scene. Did you simplify the story and cut it out? If it's still in you may want to shoot her using her cell phone in the car too. This is a much more dangerous situation and may feel like the climax. You could rearrange the script so that the fall happens on the way to the car and while she notices, the big realization could come later in the car.
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